I’m not even sure how to start this post. Basically, I don’t think I’m suffering from postpartum depression, but man are there moments when I feel absolutely crazy and ask myself what the hell am I doing?! I love Apollo and Luna more than anything, but these hormonal imbalances have gotta go.
I knew that it would be difficult with another baby. I remember when Luna was first born and looking up online “when do newborns sleep through the night?” or “when will I feel normal after having a baby?” and “how will I survive the first 6 weeks with a newborn?”. I honestly think that raising a baby essentially alone all day is not how it’s supposed to be. There should be a group of women helping each other to care for a newborn or something similar. How are we expected to breastfeed on demand, change diapers all day and night, clean up and cook food all on little or no sleep?
I thought I had fully prepared myself for the beginning stages of a newborn, but I don’t think you can ever actually be prepared. I know that the first 3 months are the hardest. I even told a customer with a newborn a few months ago that when my daughter was 3 months old she was magically sleeping through the night and it was just a lot easier for both of us. I just keep telling myself that the beginning is hard, and that I haven’t slept in over 2 weeks because I was barely sleeping during the last few weeks of my pregnancy.
Talk to your doctor or midwife before you give birth about what to expect emotionally and physically after giving birth. Before we left the hospital, one of the midwives said to Fred that he should expect me to cry and be overwhelmed. She even said it usually happens around 6 or 7 at night. I knew it would happen, too. I cried the first couple of days with Luna from sheer exhaustion and stress. It’s normal. I found a really good thread on google that shows just how normal it is to feel pretty crazy in the beginning:
Almost every response says it will get better over time and you will establish a bond with your baby. Months 6-9 were my favorite with Luna. She was trying to talk and was able to interact with us in a fun and loving way. It keeps getting better, too. I never imagined the kind of bond we have now. I am looking forward to doing that again with Apollo.
Now go take a nap!